April 29, 2017
advice articles

Tom Daley Addresses His Sexuality

I go to bed, wake up, and find out that my top celebrity crush is dating a dude. I’ve never been so happy on a Monday morning.

Honestly though, there are some people who are already bashing him since he didn’t 100% leap out of the closet as a homosexual. For this, I applaud him. It seems that people are understanding sexuality more and more and that it isn’t a black and white issue – sexuality is a spectrum and where you fall in this spectrum isn’t quite like where anyone else falls, and where you fall tomorrow may be different than where you fell today. In the video, Tom says he still fancies girls, but it’s a guy that makes him feel on top of the world and that’s all that should matter. Much like Josh Hutcherson talking about being “mostly straight” and how he’s open to the idea of meeting the right guy, I think it’s incredibly honorable and perpetuates the idea that the person who is right for you could be a guy OR a girl.

Take a look at the video a let me know what your thoughts are.

About Will

Will is a recent graduate from Florida State University and transplant to Los Angeles who makes the occasional video on YouTube documenting his life with his fiancé and German Shepherd.

77 comments

  1. ohhhhh ooooh unnng

  2. I think he’s doing it well.
    Wait till he feel comfortable show he’s a very brave guy.
    I wish him the best

  3. By the time I was 19 I had come out to my family as gay and owning that label was too much; I lied and told them I was bisexual so they would leave me alone. Looking back it’s something I regret doing. I think Tom’s route of discussing his love life outside those labels is smart. Why should he put himself in a little box for other people’s convenience?

    Do I think he may eventually identify as gay? Sure. Does it matter? Not one bit.

    • I am currently 19 now, and am facing the same probs tat you had.. I hate labels too, i don’t want my sexuality to define who I am, as a whole person.

      • I can assure you it gets better. For me the biggest problem was that I had lived with my sexual orientation as a secret for so long; having it out in the open was too much for me to cope with.

        Unfortunately I think labels are unavoidable in society. People seem to need broad strokes in which to categorize others, but it’s important that people don’t take labels too seriously. I am gay; but being gay does not define me.

      • Don’t be silly a label is but a part of who you are who you actually are, the fact of the matter is if you’re attracted to the same sex, you’re gay!!!! Labels don’t cause you to be defined by them, ppl do(which is a label too)

  4. Luigi Silveira 

    I woke up this morning to the “Tom Daley is Gay” boom on Tumblr/twitter/facebook. And then… I realized (after watching the video) that he doesn’t even talk about “being” straight, gay or bisexual. As you said and I quote: “sexuality is a spectrum”. I agree with you 100%.
    My boyfriend isn’t out yet, as I already am and have been for about 4 years now.
    I do not love my bf less just because he doesn’t want to be seen in public holding hands with me.
    We’re still getting our promise rings this christmas… And we’re still as much in love as any other couple that would walk down a street holding hands or kiss in the middle of a crowd.
    He’s not out, but that doesn’t change who he is, and it certainly doesn’t change what he means to me or what I feel about him.
    I can only hope to be by his side when he decides it’s the right time to come out. And if he never does… I’ll be by his side anyway.
    It’s great that people like Tom come out publicly (and I’ve always had this opinion), because it shines a new light on the subject. Whether you like it or not it still is a “subject” and it still has a lot of discussion around it.
    You don’t need to put labels on people. But no matter how hard we try that will always happen. And I’m not just talking about the gay/bi/straight labels.
    So that’s why I give my kudos to Tom for being brave enough to record and click the upload button on youtube. I can only imagine the courage it must have taken to drag that mouse pointer and click upload. I’d be terrified, and I’m already out!!
    Now let’s all go look at pictures of this shirtless angel from heaven and drool, because we are not dating him. 🙂

    Hope you have a great week guys… And give Dobby a treat for me. Please?

    Much love and hugs.

    Luigi

  5. I knew that he’s gonna come out when i saw the post in his Facebook page 😛

    Well, i think it’s really brave of him to “officially” come out as a gay. But i do notice that he said that he’s still into girls, but he’s just dating a boy. For that, i wonder, will the people be harsh on him if he turn out to be straight again somehow? Of course, I will always support him, gay or not 🙂

    And true, this video did make my math lecture much better LOL

  6. With honesty, class and sweetness. Let’s be honest, this guy achieved perfection with this video. Platinum Trophy on how to come out as a ‘celebrity’.

  7. First off, his coming out about his relationship with a man is a total class act. I am so happy for him that he made this announcement because this person makes him happy.

    What really troubled me though were a lot of the gay men that I am friends with, follow on Twitter, etc. I have seen such comments as, “Tom Daley is gay,” or, “Tom Daley is bisexual,” and even more crude remarks such as, “Tom Daley is a power bottom.” Where is it our place to put a label on his relationship? He is happy with his relationship! To me, as long as you have trust and happiness, then that is all that matters.

    The part that really bothered me more than trying to label him is all of the overly sexual crude remarks about how “Tom Daley is a total bottom,” or “I will bet he is a power bottom.” Not once have I seen any of these individuals say one thing about his happiness or even offer a congratulations. This overly sexual behavior is the kind of thing that bigoted heterosexual people use to fuel their cause, and as a gay person, I am tired of being categorized with other gay men that cannot take control over their sexual appetites.

  8. I completely admire the fact that he didn’t quite specify “what he is”. He’s proving that, like you said, sexuality and all that has to do with it, is a wide spectrum. People fall in different places; however, those people should not be expected to identify a certain way and put a label on themselves. It’s so great to exactly that being done by Tom.

  9. It actually blew my mind how i go to school this morning, everybody is talking about it, and… the ignorance and insensitivity blew my frickin’ head off! I don’t know if it’s the pre existing negative stigma of bisexuals or it’s the fact that it’s a ‘celebrity’ figure famed over by a horde of girls, but the ignorance really hits home. Makes you think…

  10. Agree wholeheartedly. On the flip side of the coin, I’m 100% gay, but a couple years ago I met an amazing girl and fell in love with her. Things didn’t work out, but I would have been (and still would be) open to the idea of marrying her and would another woman if we were that kind of perfect that everyone searches for and should be so lucky to find. I’m happy as a gay man, and that most likely won’t happen, but who knows what the cards hold. So proud of Tom. Not to mention that he’s 3 shades of gorgeous and the fact that he just came out has made the rest of my year. I couldn’t be happier if I was twins.

  11. I think he said everything he could say in such a short piece. I do hope he wasn’t faced with an isue where he was being forced to open up because someone was going to seriously out him because there had been speculation in the past. I just hope he is happy and loved x

  12. I’m extremely happy that Tom Daley is happy because ultimately that’s all that matters, is his happiness in the situation.

    What does seem to bother me is when some of my friends say, “I am so happy and proud of Tom Daley for coming out!” Yes, that happy and proud part completely applies to this situation but what bothers me is the “for coming out” part.

    I really wish people would just stop labeling actions like coming out of the closet, because ultimately you’re still dating a person. Does it matter if they are a woman? No. Does it matter if they are a man? No. Does it matter if they are a serial killer? Possibly, but that’s a different issue altogether.

    I really hope everyone will just let this guy live his life. People should just be happy for him, not that because he’s “finally” come out, but because he’s found someone that makes him happy.

  13. As soon as I was told abut Tom coming out I had a filling that it would’ve been on hear I love him <3 lol but I look up to u and Rj

  14. I can’t wait until the day when we don’t have to “come out” or make a video. Just like if we see a black and white couple together one day we hopefully will see any person with anyone. I know change is happening, and we must keep fighting. Be as you are and not the labels the world tells you.

    My name is Darcy. Not Darcy the white, male, tall gay guy. Just Darcy!

    And know that there will always, ALWAYS be those few assholes but just remember now, there the 1% now!

  15. Since you pointed out your calendar the other day, I saw the Tom Daley post and I thought “Oh, Will is going to be happy”. 🙂

  16. He is openly happy now

  17. Rossana Napoletano

    Is the same thing that RJ says when he talk about his bisexuality and about you.
    I totally agree with you, the thing that really matters is to find the right person, the fact that this person is a guy or a girl comes to the second place.

  18. I’m just happy for him it just bugs me how many people are saying he’s gay or going to be gay or soon to be gay! If he’s happy being with both men and women then let him be after all it’s the LGBT comunity isn’t it?

    Oh and not having a got at anyone here at end of the day why do we have to put lables on anything? I’m proud of how he did this and showed that there’s no shame in loving the same sex and the smile on his face said it all!

  19. Honestly, I loved his address to the public about his personal life. He didn’t need to do it but he went ahead with it anyway. I loved how he owns up to his attractions without labeling himself. If he does decide to come out as gay or bi or whatever later on down the road than I’d be just as happy. Let me just say though, I don’t feel so bad about having this crush anymore since he has attractions toward my gender.XD

  20. I applaud him for being proud enough to come out and address this to his fans, he is getting a bit of hate though in the comments of this video and a lot of people are claiming he is fully gay when he is actually bi. It’s amazing that so many people still see the only sexualities as gay and straight.

  21. I think this awesome. I personally am straight but I still agree with the idea that love is love. you fall in love with a person gender shouldn’t matter

  22. I think that everyone saying he’s out as gay need to calm down. He only said that he’s dating a guy, meaning that he may be straight with this one fling. Honestly, sexuality is so fluid that a title is just a title, and it’s subject to revision at any time.
    That aside, I think what Tom did was great; he made the announcement on his own terms, with no revisions or quoting from media or press. He always has been, and will continue to be, a huge idol and inspiration to me.

  23. One post that really bothered me was Davey. His “poem” to Tom was crude, and not something I would want my name associated with. I know he does those white girls videos with Jamie, and other comedy videos, but he insinuated Tom hadn’t fully come out. I can’t really express how it could have been done better except to say that it should not have been done.

    • agreed. i think how Tom went about it was completely okay.

    • I agree.

    • I like your comment so much that I went to post on Davey’s video: “m gay, and I realise there is nothing wrong with being gay obviously. But I would just like to mention that Tom didn’t come out as gay. He even said that he fancies girls but that it’s a guy that’s making him the most happy ‘right now.'”

      I think gays shouldn’t get caught in the same trap some straight people do, by thinking everything is so black and white.

      BTW, Nice post, Will!

  24. Toms videos should really inspire people to be confident in whatever their sexual preferences or if they are open to what “I” know as pansexual

  25. I see a lot of people still throwing “straight and gay” around let’s not…

  26. I really hate using labels, especially when talking about sexuality because, like Will pointed out, everyone is different. Whenever people ask me about my sexuality I always say the same thing, “people are pretty”. I don’t think Tom NEEDS to finish coming out at all because he has every right to like both genders.

    • That’s silly, labels are just brief and general descriptions about various concepts. The anit-label mentality is illogical and pretentious. is it really that hard for you to find a label that generally describes your sexuality the best?

      By saying “people are pretty” implies pansexuality.

  27. I was forced to come out after a recent suicide attempt. I’ll admit I’m bisexual, but the first time I was in love was with a guy. In the future I can only picture myself being in a serious relationship with a guy, but you never know who will get your heart in the end. It’s no big deal though and people shouldn’t make it bigger than what it is, love is love.

  28. I agree, and I’m really happy he has found someone to make him gush like that.

    Could you talk to Chris Thompson? He did a lovely video about Tom’s video, but marred it somewhat by placing his own parameters on Tom’s orientation and giving him a label that he did not give himself.

    Because I agree totally with you, Tom has told us as much as he wants to about his orientation, and that’s as much information as we have a right to. If it’s vague, it is not up to us to work out where he’s at out of the myriad of options with human sexuality.

  29. Oheydidntseeyathere

    Frustrating that a lot of the media are calling him ‘gay’, but happy that Tom was courageous in making the video and showing people that sexuality isn’t always black and white, and that life can surprise you 🙂

  30. I love how you put this! Definitely agree with the spectrum. That is how I usually word it.

  31. I agree with your viewpoint that sexuality is a spectrum. Which is why it is somewhat disappointing that chunks of the media and half the internet immediately declare that Tom Daley’s gay when he said that he was currently dating a guy. I guess that makes him not-straight, but since he didn’t label himself, we shouldn’t either.

    What I did love was the fact that a guy made him really happy, so he dates a guy. That and the courage to make this video on his YouTube channel.

  32. ¡I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY!

  33. I love it. He is a very good looking guy, however i can’t lie the first thing i probably did was tweet you about it. LOL

  34. He can be whatever he wants and I’m sure people will still be thirsty (maybe me a little)(just kidding a lot). He just didn’t want to break all his female fans hearts. Just kidding. LGBT is one, accept everyone for who they are.

  35. i love that he chose to do it this way. it’s honest and personal and real. he’s saying it before people can pounce on it and make it into something it’s not like they inevitably do with everything else and i respect that.

  36. I very much agree with you. I too think sexuality is a spectrum where you might fall a little differently one day to the other. However, since I have friends that don’t quite fit the Gay/Straight thing, I’d add that the spectrum isn’t just a horizontal bar with the two preferences Opposite/Same, it should also go vertically in a Sexual/Asexual spectrum, and from there maybe in a depth bar in how much it is Personality/Gender. It’s so diverse! Here in Norway the media is roaring in how he has come out of the closet, when he’s actually just stated that right now, it just happens to be a guy… At least they’re not bashing him for it (^^;)

  37. I think it was awesome that Tom had the bravery to come out on the internet like that but i think it was kinda of sad that so many people started to harass on socials medias just for that. After watching the video, I went on a few website to see what people where saying and most were good and pleasant but others were horrible and disgusting. But I think screw them as there is a large chance that their own lives are bad and this is there only way of having fun and feeling safe. So yeah, congrats to Tom Daley and his mysterious boyfriend

  38. As a gay man myself sexuality don’t matter, as long as you love the person your with weather or not it be a man or women its LOVE. 🙂 I’m dating a guy an it feels amazing to have someone actually love me for me. So I applaud him for being true to himself and not giving himself a label as of what his sexuality is. Much love!

  39. There have always been “issues” regarding sexuality and sport, specifically any male sexuality which isn’t 100% straight. In England, Tom Daley had to consider both the past (John Curry the skater who was bullied almost to the point of insanity, Justin Fashanu the soccer player who committed suicide) and the present where quite a number of English sports stars have chosen to explain that their sexuality is complex but only long after they have retired. To reveal his choice of a boyfriend at such a young age is incredibly brave and brilliant. It marks a tremendous milestone in the annals of sport and yet there are still little Englanders out there that either a) say sexuality is a private matter and shouldn’t be discussed at all or b) claim it is a publicity stunt for an athlete who isn’t winning gold at present. Both claims show that phobia over sexuality has still not died, it’s simply more polite than it used to be.

  40. “sexuality is a spectrum and where you fall in this spectrum isn’t quite like where anyone else falls, and where you fall tomorrow may be different than where you fell today.” – This is so important.

  41. sexuality is so complicated. Love is just as complicated. I’m so confused with my personal experience that I prefer not to talk about it to anyone accept a handful of my more liberal friends. I just don’t want to spout out a label for someone else’s convenience and then end up being wrong (I hate being wrong). So I’m just me, like Tom is just Tom. Personally I don’t give two shits about sexuality, because it’s just another way of restricting who you can be. It should be a non-issue anyway.

  42. I personally consider myself a Gay Man but it doesn’t matter who you or what you are Love is all that counts I hope that makes sense take care.

  43. I think the tides are changes, i think soon enough that the sexuality labels will be nonexistent, and people will be able to date either sex, and society will accept it (i hope soon). I think what Tom did was brave of him and respectable, to come and say i am dating a guy and comfortable with it. I think is good and avoiding his sexuality as a label and just being open with it.

    • Lack of labels or their exsitence do not impeede on dating practices, ppl’s attiuudes do. It’s not like homophobes hate gays because they hate they are called gays, they hate them for what they are/do.

  44. I really aplaud him, and think that he did this in a perfect way. People think of sexuality as black and white, when really it is SOO much more then that. I hope that this is a wake up call for people.

  45. He’s an Olympian, so let’s hope he’s better with criticism than most of us. The positive accolades and congratulations are exponentially greater than the negatives and this is progress. Just a few years ago the percentages might well have been reversed. Thanks to TD for taking a few hits of scorn to reduce the same and make an easier path for those who follow. And most of all, a gold medal for finding love that works for him.
    PS. Glad to see you’re giving some new energy to NA&S. Looks great.

  46. So proud of him!! He is a true talent and inspiration on and off the diving board! 🙂 btw loving your new website!! xx

  47. I’ll never understand why we have to come out as anything. “Straight” people don’t have to come out and say “Oh I’m straight”. Love and sex should never be about labels. I think it was Will that said, “Labels are for T-shirts”. Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not saying that we should hide who we chose to love or lust after. I’m just saying it’s no one’s damn business who you are interested in. To me it is not gay Will and gay RJ. It’s just Will and RJ.
    Myself, I go for what’s inside, the packaging doesn’t matter. There is beauty in both sexes.
    I think he handled the situation nicely. Well done. Anyone who bashes him should stop and take a really good look at themselves.

    • It’s not that hard to understand, the world is heterodominant.

      “Labels are for T-shirts”

      That’s stupid and wrong, labels are for everything and everyone

  48. Awesome.. next step is to Come out as gay and not bi! cause thats what i did. at first i said i kinda liked guys but also fancy girls! but now!! girl im a bttm. lol

  49. Is it just me or is anyone else tired of being forced into a nice little category? Ones sexuality is a mixture of ones feelings, emotions, and desires and it’s not easy to make sense of it all.

    There is the old cliche of “love is complected”, but ones sexuality is not? For me I identified as straight, then i though I was bisexual, and then I knew I was really gay, or so I thought. Because know I think identifying as gay may not be totally correct but neither is bisexual. I feel the category system our society currently use gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc is too limiting. I much prefer the spectrum style because it is simply easier and allows for more flexibility. I also feel it is easier to move along the spectrum, if you feel you got your identity wrong, because figuring out ones sexual identity can be complicated for some, it was and still is for me. Identifying ones sexuality can be difficult especially when society expects you to get it right the first time.

    Also why do other people feel the need to tell someone what their sexual identity is. I saw the Tom Daley video he did not state his sexual identity and yet people are saying he is now gay, bisexual, or that he is really gay and has not come out of the closet fully yet. I can see people at home having arguments over whether he is gay or bisexual and saying “well he said he was attracted to both men and woman that means he is bisexual”. Who are we to judge and identify ones sexual orientation. What you call yourself is something only you can determine because only you know your feelings and attractions and no one else can tell you otherwise.

    I hope that in the not so fare distant future we, as a society, put less emphasis on the gender of a person and their sexual orientation.

    • Well to me the way to make a sexual label more flexible is add appropriate disclaimers conditions etc. Like “I’m a gay guy, but I love titties” or “I’m homoflexible”.

      Also I don’t think he’s bi or gay, just a straight guy dating a gay guy, if anything that’s just homofleixble.

  50. I really love that you put this post up here! The way Tom desided to come out is how i want the world to be in 50 years, or ever sooner then that! Why is it that just because you like guys, the world calls you gay! I like guys, but i dont like to be called gay! Why is it that the world is so stuck on giving people labels? Can’t people just love who they choose? Boy, girl or whatever youb choose as your idenity!

    Thank you R.J and Will! You guys are makeing the world better with your vlogs and with your post 🙂 And this is why ill allways follow you!

    • They are just quick descriptions dude they aren’t a big deal. If you like guys, you’re gay, it’s as simple as that. Labels are a part of language

      • But what if I like every gender? Your idea of labels being “quick descriptions” and “part of language” can easily offend.They’ve already offended me. Not everyone wants to be or can be forced into a neat little sexuality box. Then, you’ve got people who feel like they need to change their personality and way of being/living just to fit into the shitty boxes that YOU promote. I will say this once more- labels are neat little boxes that not everyone fits into, that not everyone WANTS to fit into. I hope this has changed your perspective on labels and causes you to stop rationalizing them to the point where you sound like an imbecile.
        Thank you, and have a merry Christmas.

        • “But what if I like every gender? ”

          Then it’s called pansexual. This is why I feel that ppl who say “I don’t believe in labels” don’t know what they are talking about. Point taken.

          “They’ve already offended me”

          Why, that’s silly, sexual labels (usually) aren’t pejoratives.

          “Not everyone wants to be or can be forced into a neat little sexuality box.”

          Point taken further, I thought we were talking labels not boxes? Being assinged a label doesn’t stop you from doing anything nor are they all encompassing of the past, present and future, like I said they are just very general quick descriptions of the most practical way one is.

          “Then, you’ve got people who feel like they need to change their personality and way of being/living just to fit into the shitty boxes that YOU promote.”

          Stop proving my point I never said ppl should force themselves to fit a label, that’s the thing, if a label doesn’t fit someone anymore they can just change it or take it off(you know like with actual physical labels?)

          “labels are neat little boxes ”

          Wrong, they are general descriptive terms, there’s no way they can describe everyone in every way. But the thing is that they do MOSTLY describe a lot of ppl and it’s just illogical to not except that. You haven’t change my perception at all because it’s the same I’ve seen before.

          I’m aware that some ppl don’t fit labels, but when I see someone say “I’m i like guys and girls, but I’m not bisexual” it is just the dumbest thing. It’s like saying “meh, the looks blue, but I don’t want to call it blue”

  51. http://uk.omg.yahoo.com/gossip/the-bike-shed/tom-daley–love-dustin-lance-black-new-relationship-093052093.html?nc=0 here he is talking about his boyfriend dustin lance black there is an interview here in the uk on friday on one of the chat shows over here with him and he talks about dustin

  52. I have to say that Tom Daley hasn’t really been on my radar much. So when this video went viral I had to hop on the interwebs and find out what the big deal is.
    And then I discovered how exceptionally cute this young man is.
    I’m actually a bit flabbergasted………

  53. I’m as aware as many of you all that sexuality is a spectrum and varies, but does it vary that much with most ppl? And just because it varies doesn’t mean labels are wrong or useless they are just short hand references of information. The problem was never the labels but how ppl treat them. Instead of saying “Im a human with natural male sex oragans who is sexually attracted to other humans with male sex organs” just call it gay. They are short cut explnations.

    What we really need to do is not let labels restrict us and apply a more realistic expression of their variance.

  54. Label: A descriptive term

    You all should get a grip on this anti-label BS. Labels make up who we are, and how we tell ourselves from each other. I can’t just tell you “I’m Blake” what does that mean? So I use commonly understood labels to specify(if need be).

    I’m Blake, 6ft tall, black, black hair, 173lb, cis male, Little monster, anime fan and GAY(homoflexible) and have no problems saying because they are who I am. Colors/light are spectrums too and they are still labeled based on which color they closest resemble. What’s especially silly is that a lot of you seem to have very non complex sexulities or just open and then suddenly “labels suck” when you really have labels that would fit u pretty well. Labels are only meant to be put atop what’s already there. Labels are no different than other nouns or adjectives

    They don’t limit us nor “put us in boxes” last time I check labels are usually little pieces of paper that can easily be changed if the contents of a container change. Labels are PURELY for semantic convenience to make things easier to describe.

    The problem was never the label(homosexuality existed long before it had a name and there were still homophobes). The problem is how ppl treat the information a label entails.

  55. There’s literally no way of communicating various things without labels. If you all don’t believe in labels stop using them and see how well certain information can be transcribed

  56. It’s just that ppl who say “they don’t believe in labels” don’t really know what they are talking about and are thus just being pretentious and ignorant at the same time. If nothing else sexual labels only have dating implications. For all you gays that don’t believe in labels would you flirt with a straight guy on the presumption of the fluidity of sexuality?

    • i flirted with a “straight” guy a long time ago and it was the best decision i’ve ever made. at the time, he labeled himself as straight, and i labeled myself as gay. if i cared about labels as much as you, i wouldn’t have even bothered and i wouldn’t be engaged four years later. fact is, labels are restrictive and only help people simplify a part of a human that isn’t simple.

      • The reason why it worked for you is because RJ was never straight(NOT EVEN CLOSE), you got lucky so that’s a bit of a disingenuous example. Plenty of gay guys do flirt or go after straight guys and it doesn’t work out. Are you saying I should disregard someone’s sexual identity on the off chance they’re lying to themselves?

        ” labels are restrictive”
        No they aren’t they are descriptive, and Will it doesn’t make much sense for YOU to be against labels(you use them all the time), YOUR sexuality doesn’t seem that complex.

        I’d be more inclined to be understanding why ppl with highly unconventional sexuilities wouldn’t want to label THEIR OWN sexuality(like what do you call a person attracted to stoves?), but for someone like you who (at least from what I can tell) fits an existing label pretty well just has me thinking it’s just a pretentious mindset.

        I’m perfectly aware that sexuality is a complex spectrum, but so are colors and we still call them by the color they closest resemble, same with sexual labels.

        • but the point is that RJ identified himself as straight and him identifying himself as straight for the longest time kept him from admitting anything he felt for me. on the other hand, what if there was one girl that would work perfectly for a guy that goes through the process of labeling himself as gay. he may miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime so he can call himself something he thinks he needs to call himself based on what society thinks of him.

          and if you understand that sexuality is a spectrum, then you’ve understood the point. the problem is other people don’t understand it’s a spectrum, and that’s the whole point of straying away from labels. if we continue to label, then we continue to restrict. we continue to place people into boxes they may not necessarily fit just so other people can understand who they are. i am SEVERELY against people having to simplify themselves just so others can understand who they are.

          and yes, i identify myself as gay because i’m very very very to the gay side of the spectrum – but RJ has a difficult time labeling himself because it’s not so black and white with him. he’s gayer than bisexual but more bisexual than gay – so what’s the point? what does he call himself? why does he even have to call himself something? for you? that’s unfair.

          • “as straight for the longest time kept him from admitting”

            Rj’s past denial =/= the inaccuracy of labels. I don’t see your point.

            If he was actually straight he likely would’ve not felt anything for you, which is often the case, and then your “Our story vid” may have been “Don’t go for straight guys”.

            ” he may miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime so he can call himself something he thinks”

            And that is wrong of him, if a gay guy has feelings for a girl he should go for it. Identifying by labels DOESN’T mean restricting yourself to the point where you cant deviate from it at all. Think about it, no gaga fan in the world forces themselves to hate everyone else but her just because they identify as “Little monsters”

            ” if we continue to label, then we continue to restrict.”

            See that’s wrong, labels don’t restrict anything. Just because you’re gay today doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love with the opposite gender tomorrow. It’s ppl’s ignorance that restricts not the label. They are labels(metaphorical small pieces of paper), not boxes, ppl can move freely with them attached or easily take them of to put another label on. And for ppl that may not fit a label perfectly(IE straight guys that like cock) they can still identify to what describes them best but possibly add disclaimers to personalize(straight, but likes cock).
            I want to make it clear that I don’t think labels are strict and perfect boxes/categories, that would be silly. It’s the flexibility of labels that should be promoted, not their non existence.

            “‘Im very very very to the gay side of the spectrum”

            Isn’t that a bit hypocritical?Aren’t you as you say restricting yourself?

            This proves my point, that for a lot of ppl(if not most) their own sexuality isn’t that complex and there for they fit into labels.I;m perfectly understanding for those that have very confusing sexualities not labeling themselves, though I wouldn’t count RJ as one of them.

            As for RJ, I think me and him are kinda in the same boat sexually, maybe a kinsey rating or homoflexible(what i go for),pansexual would work? XD It’s not so much that he HAS to call himself anything, it’s just that, if the shoe fits, it’s his size even if it’s a little bit snug or loose.

            Your grips with labels aren’t inherent to labels, rather ignorance to the information they entail and and ignorant excess expectation of strict adherence.

            I bear you no ill will, I just feel there are a lot of logical issues with the rationale for some to say “I don’t believe in labels” I’m continuing to see that it really is just a misunderstanding of what a label is and for.

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Shep689: A Gay in the Life