RJ this question is for you since you use the label of bisexual to help people understand where you are coming from. My name is Dan and I have been a long time watcher of yours on youtube. I’ve come out to all my friends, parents and sibling, and two cousins as gay. I’m 22 years old but lately I have been questioning my sexuality. I have never been sexually, emotionally, physically or otherwise attracted to women, only men…until recently. When I came out I think I was a little too unready to come out and did it to just do like a band-aid, quick and easy to get it out of the way…now I’m not sure…I was hanging out with my ex-girlfriend with whom I’m still great friends with and I don’t know if it was nostalgia hitting me or what but I’m just really confused.
I’ve heard that female sexuality is very very very fluid and my question to you is, “Do you think the same can be said for men?” Is it possible for a man who has thought he was gay for his entire childhood, adolescence and partial young adulthood suddenly realize he has feelings towards both sexes?
Dan from Canada
Human sexuality is complicated, for both men and women, and I truly do believe that all of us exist on a spectrum, with very few people being truly “straight” or truly “gay”. Straight guys joke all the time about guy celebrities that they’d “go gay for”. And as much as gay men on this planet claim to be afraid of vaginas, many would, with enough drinks in them, gladly spend a night of passion with a girl like Emma Stone or Jennifer Lawrence. Any why not? Those women are flawless!
Thus, when it comes to labels, I feel like they often do more harm than good. We put people in boxes and categories to make them easier to understand, which is why the whole gay/straight binary is so difficult to shake once you get it fixed in someone’s head. This is why I support the way that celebrities like Tom Daley came out. They didn’t say “I’m gay” or “I’m bi” or anything like that. They said “I’m dating a guy”. Who cares what category that lumps them into? As long as they’re happy, what business is it of any of ours?
I’ve ranted over and over on the subject of labels, and how they can do more harm than good. So in your case, I’d say don’t bother with them. Follow your heart. Do what feels good and right for you. If you like a girl, then date a girl. If you like a guy, date a guy. If you find yourself attracted to someone who’s genderqueer, then have at it! It’s your job to pursue what makes you happy. It’s not your job to explain your happiness to anyone else. Period. That’s it. There’s no real reason for things to any more complicated than that! Label clothes, not people!
All the best!