July 23, 2017
advice articles
Poisonous Parents

Poisonous Parents

My name is Mark, I am 24 and just finished my degree in Education. I have lived all my life with my mother telling me if i was gay she would disown me, make sure I wasn’t allowed to be a teacher and when it boils down to it, no longer love me.

I have had enough of living a double life, lying to her when i go to a club or out on a date. It’s left me with no real confidence and that barrier of letting myself get too close to someone, leading to a spectacularly failed relationship.

I can’t go on like this, it’s leading me down a dark path. I am just so scared if i take the chance to be honest and happy, I won’t have a home any longer, when i am thrown out.

What would you do?

Much love,
Mark x

I’m so sorry that you have to put up with a mother who has such an emotionally abusive relationship with you. I can empathize with the barrier aspect since I had to put up a front for my parents as well throughout my latter teenage years. And even after I came out to my mother, I still lied about hanging out with my gay friends or going on dates with my then-boyfriend. It’s a tough, stupid situation but we do it to protect them from the truth and to protect ourselves from the possibility of failing in their eyes or receiving malicious judgment.

However, in your case, you seem like a prisoner. You are your mother’s captive and if it’s true that she will do whatever she can to keep you from finding a job, then it’s time to jump ship. She apparently has no qualms about destroying your livelihood, so I suggest you take matters into your own hands and care about your future since she obviously doesn’t. If I were in your shoes, I would start applying for jobs as well as seeking a residence away from her. I would also continue to keep her in the dark about your employment matters; if she doesn’t have your best interest at heart then she doesn’t need to be involved. You wouldn’t want her to sabotage everything like she threatens to do. Especially going into the education field and being around children (if that is indeed what you will be doing), your credibility and reputation will mean everything, and she wants to hold yours in the palm on her hands. Don’t allow her.

RJ and I have been tossing around your issue for the past few days and we seem to think that there’s definitely something going on with your mother that either you haven’t told us or she hasn’t told you. Where is all of this resentment towards homosexuality stemming from? Being this particularly malicious, even to her own children, just out of her hatred for homosexuals seems a bit drastic, don’t you think? Maybe, when you have moved and established a safe distance away from her, you can tenderly approach the subject and calmly ask her what the fuck her problem is. As you know, not all of us are rapists and murderers. She must be a member of the Westboro Baptist Church or something, right?

In short: save yourself. You deserve all the happiness that life has to offer and you shouldn’t let your mother dictate how you lead it. You were put on this planet to live your own life, not any life that she has planned for you. If I can escape it and come out on top, have faith that you can too.


– Will

About Will

Will is a recent graduate from Florida State University and transplant to Los Angeles who makes the occasional video on YouTube documenting his life with his fiancé and German Shepherd.

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