I am Michael, 25, a Filipino working here in UAE, first of all I wanted to say how much you two are the best inspiration and motivation for me to be the best person of who I am at the moment. You two and Kasey rocks!
Being a gay asian catholic working here in Middle East, I mean is there anything worst than that. I am not out yet, not to my family nor to the workplace I’m in. Only very few close friends know because for me, Its my life and its my choice to whom should I want to share it with. I’ve been into 2 serious relationships while I’m in the Philippines, both are discreet and unfortunately both failed and maybe one reason why I decided to work here in this country. I tried to commit suicide when I’m in my teenage years for several reasons (early death of my parents, confusions, expectations, hiding the real me etc.) but I guess It’s not my time yet. I’m working here in UAE now for more than 1 year but still I feel sad and empty. I can now buy the things that I want but I still feel lost. I feel everything I am doing these days is just to hide the fact that I am sad and lonely. To tell you honestly, I don’t know how to formulate the question I need to know but one thing is I want to be ok. Its like everything I will do will complicate my life more and I am tired of everyone’s expectation of me. I hope you can help me in anyway you could. Its a little embarrassing that I am older that you two but I am the one whose like a teen asking for advice.
Thanks and God Bless.
First and foremost, suicide is never the solution and never will be. If you were to commit suicide now, you destroy any and all chances of feeling happiness later on, and no one can predict what the future can hold. There is always the opportunity of life getting better and I feel like people don’t understand the finality of suicide. When you commit suicide – it’s done. No more sunshine, no more moonlight, no more winters or summers, no more movies and no more YouTube videos. No more happiness. No more smiles. No more love. That’s too sad to even think about.
However, I can sympathize with how difficult your situation must be. Living in the Middle East and trying to conceal who you are must be extremely trying, and I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through. After doing a little research on LGBT rights in UAE, you seem to have very little options to express who you truly are (from what I read, sodomy is punishable by death – that is absolutely ridiculous). I read that homosexuals have been arrested and given jail time just because they’re homosexuals, and that is completely insane and revolting. It seems like you’ll have to be patient in order to have the government on your side because they don’t seem to be changing anytime soon.
How grounded are you in the UAE? I ask because, seeing how drastic they are about the LGBT community, I would suggest possibly trying to escape. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and everything wrong with their views on who you are, but unfortunately it’ll take time before they come around. I suggest take matters into your own hands and possibly look for options elsewhere. I know it’s easier said than done, but if it’s worth it to you to pick up your life and move to a more free, more accepting society, then I say go for it.
What you have to consider are the two options of either staying or going, and measure the pros and cons. What is worth more to you – staying or going? What do you have in the UAE? Can you have that elsewhere? What don’t you have in the UAE? Can you get it somewhere else? Is it even worth it to you? Do you think your circumstances will improve if you were to stay?
I feel like you have a lot to consider, but if I were in your shoes, it would be an easy decision for me. I would do whatever I could to move because I would realize that my government is trying to punish me for existing, and that isn’t fair. There’s a whole world out there and I would want to experience it. But that’s just me.
I hope you’re able to make the decision that will lead you to happiness, but the truth is that you won’t know until you’ve made it. Just know that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness – no one else can take care of you but yourself. Go find the happiness that you deserve.
P.S. – You’re not alone, here’s a link I think you may find helpful.