Hi, I just wanted to write to you, because I just found out one of my brothers is gay. We live in Latin America in a catholic family. Our family does not accept homosexuality yet they tell us that they will always support our choices and us. My brother does not know I know he is gay, and I don’t know if I should confront him. I found him making out with one of his friends one night. I don’t know how to feel because I have been taught to not accept gay people yet I am completely fine about homosexuality. I don’t know if it would do good to tell my parents about my opinions, not because I am afraid they will judge me but will question why I tell them this. I know if I tell them about it they will confront my brother about it and I am not sure how he will react to being questioned about it. I also don’t know what to do with my beliefs. How am I supposed to follow my religion when I don’t agree with many of its rules?
I read RJ’s article about Homosexuality in Latin America, but still don’t have the faintest idea of what to do. My brother and I are graduating from High school in June and want to move somewhere in the US. He suggested New York or Los Angeles. At first I thought it was because they were popular cities but now I can see he wants to move there because they are very accepting cities. I see many things that I didn’t notice before which have been influenced by his sexuality. I have been dropping hints that I am completely fine with gay people for a week now.
I guess the real questions here are should I confront my brother about it? Should I tell my parents about it? How should I continue to believe in my faith if I don’t believe in what is states?
Best wishes, Cristina
If you know you’re brother is gay and you’re okay with it, half the battle is already done. I don’t really think either of us are in any position to give advice regarding your religious choices, but I still think that, although Christianity doesn’t quite approve of homosexuality, you must support your brother. Regardless of what your religion teaches you, he didn’t choose to be the way he is and he shouldn’t be punished for it.
I think it’s best you not out him to your parents because then it will create a rift between you and him. If your parents are the way I think they are, he’s going to need you before the end to come to his defense, but maybe that’s just me assuming the worst. When I hear about kids with religious parents and their coming out processes, I always suggest to make sure they are in a position to take care of themselves should they need to (again, assuming the worst, but better safe than to feel unloved and still dependent).
However, I need to stress how important it is you stay by his side. I personally know how it feels to have a sibling abandon you for circumstances beyond your control and it hurts, especially when you were incredibly close with that sibling. Just remember it’s not his fault. It’s no one’s fault. Because there’s nothing wrong.
It may help to know that there are PLENTY of families that have deeply devout Catholic beliefs that still manage to accept their homosexual family members – RJ’s family being a prime example. As long as he has your support and your parents are the parents they need to be, I have all the faith in the world that you guys will come to an agreement and still remain a happy family.