April 26, 2017
advice articles
I Know My Brother’s Gay

I Know My Brother’s Gay

Hi, I just wanted to write to you, because I just found out one of my brothers is gay. We live in Latin America in a catholic family. Our family does not accept homosexuality yet they tell us that they will always support our choices and us. My brother does not know I know he is gay, and I don’t know if I should confront him. I found him making out with one of his friends one night. I don’t know how to feel because I have been taught to not accept gay people yet I am completely fine about homosexuality. I don’t know if it would do good to tell my parents about my opinions, not because I am afraid they will judge me but will question why I tell them this. I know if I tell them about it they will confront my brother about it and I am not sure how he will react to being questioned about it. I also don’t know what to do with my beliefs. How am I supposed to follow my religion when I don’t agree with many of its rules?

I read RJ’s article about Homosexuality in Latin America, but still don’t have the faintest idea of what to do. My brother and I are graduating from High school in June and want to move somewhere in the US. He suggested New York or Los Angeles. At first I thought it was because they were popular cities but now I can see he wants to move there because they are very accepting cities. I see many things that I didn’t notice before which have been influenced by his sexuality. I have been dropping hints that I am completely fine with gay people for a week now.

I guess the real questions here are should I confront my brother about it? Should I tell my parents about it? How should I continue to believe in my faith if I don’t believe in what is states?

Best wishes, Cristina 

If you know you’re brother is gay and you’re okay with it, half the battle is already done. I don’t really think either of us are in any position to give advice regarding your religious choices, but I still think that, although Christianity doesn’t quite approve of homosexuality, you must support your brother. Regardless of what your religion teaches you, he didn’t choose to be the way he is and he shouldn’t be punished for it.

I think it’s best you not out him to your parents because then it will create a rift between you and him. If your parents are the way I think they are, he’s going to need you before the end to come to his defense, but maybe that’s just me assuming the worst. When I hear about kids with religious parents and their coming out processes, I always suggest to make sure they are in a position to take care of themselves should they need to (again, assuming the worst, but better safe than to feel unloved and still dependent).

However, I need to stress how important it is you stay by his side. I personally know how it feels to have a sibling abandon you for circumstances beyond your control and it hurts, especially when you were incredibly close with that sibling. Just remember it’s not his fault. It’s no one’s fault. Because there’s nothing wrong.

It may help to know that there are PLENTY of families that have deeply devout Catholic beliefs that still manage to accept their homosexual family members – RJ’s family being a prime example. As long as he has your support and your parents are the parents they need to be, I have all the faith in the world that you guys will come to an agreement and still remain a happy family.

About Will

Will is a recent graduate from Florida State University and transplant to Los Angeles who makes the occasional video on YouTube documenting his life with his fiancé and German Shepherd.

6 comments

  1. Very well said Will – and you are very accurate in your assessment of where a great many Catholic families fall on this issue. And I speak as one who worked for 18 years for 2 different Catholic parishes. The Church (organization) does not often get things right, but the US Bishops document “Always Our Children” is an exception. I admire all your honesty and frankness and you always present as speaking from your heart – as does RJ. The drama is everywhere these but, as one who appreciates your honesty, I hope it does not pull you down or ever cause you to back off.

  2. Addressing the religious aspect, from my point of view and in the opinion of many other Christians besides myself, there is much within our faith to treat same-sex love as equal to any other human love, and there is also much within out faith that that proves arguments to condemn same-sex love are false. There are a lot of resources discussing the Christian perspective on the issue, and I give my contribution here: http://iamabisexual.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/bisexuality-and-christianity.html. ‘Christianity states that…’ is a false claim because there is no single viewpoint that Christians agree on, even the big stuff – some Christians don’t believe in the resurrection, or the Trinity, so disagreeing with other Christians pretty much comes with the territory. Which I think is a good thing – I wouldn’t believe in something I didn’t argue over and discuss to the point it makes sense to me. And condemning same-sex love doesn’t make sense to me.

  3. I agree with will …tell ur brother that u support him no matter what he is ..u don’t have to tell him that u know he is gay ..and if he know ur their for him he will tell u …my parents are really religious but me and my brother are not and we don’t have to be they Accept us for who we are …just make sure ur their for him and love him that is my opinion

  4. I’ve rewrote this comment like six times trying to find the right thing to say but sometimes the simple way is the best way. You need to be supportive of your brother and help him understand that you can’t choose your relatives, but you can choose your family. Being gay isn’t easy but living a lie is way more difficult than any persecution you could ever experience for being who you are. Living a lie really isn’t living because you aren’t being who you are meant to be.

  5. Will — We know how your mother and father each reacted to your coming out, but I don’t think you ever mention anything about your brother. He didn’t take it well? We never really hear about him…

  6. Will and RJ, it would mean a lot to me if you YouTube searched, “The Bible and Homosexuality.” It is so sad that so many christians do not accept gays. They used the bible to oppress women and black people in the past as well. As is obvious, these have been proven false. I hope it is the same way with gays in the near-future. The bottom line is, GOD is FINE with you being gay. It is the people of the church that are blinded by bigotry and ignorance.

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