Hey Will and RJ, what do you all think is important to keep a relationship going?
I am so, so, so, so, SO glad that you asked that question, because it raises a very important point that’s held especially true for Will and me in recent months.
See, we’ve talked quite a bit on here about relationships. More specifically, we’ve talked about all of the different things that need to be there for a relationship to work. You’ve got to be compatible: physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. You’ve got to have enough in common to be able to communicate, but be different enough to keep things interesting. You’ve got to both be in the right place in your life for a relationship. Your goals have to sync up somehow. You have to share similar enough values. There’s all this stuff that needs to be there for a relationship to work. A foundation, if you will, along with certain building blocks for you to use to build long term happiness.
But that alone isn’t enough.
Being in a relationship takes effort. Constant effort, actually. Because even if you have all of the necessary materials to build a structure…you still have to actually build the thing. And that takes time and effort. Luckily, that just means spending time together, and time together that you actually enjoy. It means putting effort into doing special and romantic things for each other. It means being thoughtful and paying attention the next time you get them a gift. It means making your partner feel special as often as possible. There are times when it’s going to seem inconvenient and impractical to do those sorts of things, but trust me when I say that you need to make them happen as often as you can. Those moments and memories and happiness are going to come in handy when you hit the rough patches.
And yes, there will be rough patches. There will be disagreements and fights and all-out screaming matches at times. There will be unpleasant discussions that are painful but necessary. There will be nights when all you want to do is go to bed, but you can’t, because your partner has something that they need to talk about. Anyone who tells you that being in a relationship is all fun and cute is lying. There are times when it sucks harder than an F5 tornado. But that’s okay…because when you find yourself asking the question “why the hell am I even with this person at all?” you’ll have more than enough happy memories to draw from.
Think of your relationship kind of like a bank account. Any time you do something nice or special for each other, you make a deposit. Any time you guys have a disagreement, argument, or any other rough patch, you make a withdrawal. It’s obviously in your best interest to make deposits as often as you can, so that you’re more than covered when the inevitable expense comes along. And in a way, that’s been the difficulty that Will and I have been having recently. See, since we both get so busy juggling all of this along with full time jobs, it can be difficult to find time to make those necessary deposits. That was getting us into trouble when it came time to make our unpleasant but necessary withdrawals. It’s not that we don’t love each other, it’s just that life has a tendency to try to get in the way. And sometimes, the only way to have time is to make time…and that’s precisely what we’ve done with out “weekly date” rule. When it comes to keeping relationships alive, it’s all about putting in the effort to make sure that the positive outweighs the negative, and that’s something that both people need to be prepared to work towards.
So if you’re in a relationship, make sure that you and your partner make it a point to keep the romance alive, no matter how inconvenient it may seem at times. Hopefully, they’ll make it a point to return the favor, which will then help you two enjoy your time together that much more.