April 17, 2014
advice articles
Gay Birthdays

Gay Birthdays

As of today, RJ and I are both 25 years old. Personally, I think this is great news since I get the huge insurance rate deduction, but I’ve been noticing that a lot of people, especially in the gay community, get pressed when it comes to discussing their age. It seems like every year after 21 is just another step closer to the grave. Well… I guess there’s some merit to that, but I’ve just been wondering why the LGBT community in particular is so critical over age.

Honestly though, I know I’ve joked a few times about friends older than me and how they’re basically mummies and friends younger than me and how they’re basically fetuses, but where did all the age hate come from? Maybe it’s the community’s never-ending search to be (physically) beautiful and youthful? Probably. It sucks how the nastiest few of any group tends to have the loudest opinions.

I know 25 isn’t any age that someone should be upset to turn. In fact, I’m so proud of who I am today and who I’ve surrounded myself with. I’m ecstatic about turning 25. Think of how many people never got the opportunity.

Just some thoughts I wanted to share on my birthday. Let me know yours in the comment section below.

About Will

Will is a recent graduate from Florida State University and transplant to Los Angeles who makes the occasional video on YouTube documenting his life with his fiancé and German Shepherd.
  • Samantha

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY WILL!!! HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY

  • Penelope Vollan

    Happy Birthday Will!

  • Tyler Steiner

    First off–Happy Birthday, Will!! Second, you bring up a good point and while I technically haven’t had a birthday while being “out” yet since I did that after my birthday, I have noticed that the gay community does seem to focus more on age. And you’re probably right. Our community’s obsession with a godly body image would make it harder to accept growing older because that godly body image does not generally stick around with age. But age is just a number and while I may be 26 (and occasionally feel like I’m 46), I still try and not let how anybody talks about my age affect me and I’m glad you seen to share that sentiment.

  • Brandon Johnson

    Happy Birthday Will!!

  • Gossip Girl

    Happy Birthday Will! Wish you forever young haha

  • Justa Guy

    I’m young (19), and not out, so I don’t know how qualified I am to make these statements, but I have a few thoughts. The first is agreement: there are so many people in this community who didn’t make it to 25, either because they killed themselves or someone else took care of that for them. Every age should be one to celebrate. The second is that there are special things about every age. You covered that briefly by noting the smaller insurance rate. In addition to that, let me add that life isn’t all about sex. You and RJ know that. As you age, you’ll find steady careers, new hobbies, and (possibly) start a family (one day…no rush). These life-steps don’t require you to be young and beautiful (not that you’re not). In my opinion, if people are that concerned with age and looks, they are incredibly shallow and don’t really understand the important things in life: enjoying ALL aspects of life and having someone with whom to share those aspects.
    That’s just my two cents. Nothing revolutionary.
    Hope this year is as spectacular as any! Happy new year and happy birthday, Will.

  • Daniel Park

    Jack MacFarlane in “Will & Grace” summed it up best when he said “I’m 30! Do you know how old that is in GAY years?”
    The joke masks a truth, we all get older (at 42 I haven’t found the meaning of life) and the older you are, the more life experience you carry around with you. As an LGBT union volunteer over a decade ago, I always took great care to listen to the older gay, bi and lesbian people that I encountered in my work as they told their story of how things used to be and how they coped with life in a different era. However, although this was really interesting, they also were at pains to point out that their story hadn’t ended – and that they had issues they had to deal with right now. Lots of older LGB people are concerned about what will happen to them in a hospital or care home, where it will be assumed they will have the same kind of life histories, families and cultural expectations to straight older people. You don’t stop being gay just because you turn 40, or 60, or 80…or even 100.

  • Chris Wagner

    I find it very weird. I’ve heard 25 being described as gay-middle-aged. I’m sixteen so miles off ut still find it weird how quickly people go from being seen as prime to being discarded due to another trip around the sun. Its just how many times you’ve been around the sun… logic

  • rkieru

    I’ve always seen it as a combination of vanity and media. We are vain in that we wish to be physically desirable and that inevitably becomes associated with youth. Look at what people will do to try to retain what they perceive to be the best attributes of youthfulness… it’s astounding.

    And then look at how the media still portrays ‘older’ gay men. One other poster mentions Will from Will & Grace – and that’s a good example. He’s always on the outs of a relationship or just alone. He’s bitter about his single-hood and cynical about the whole process … he wants to be loved but he favors nightclubs that are really more suited to hookups. Who wants to be that?

    Maybe I’m the odd one out here; heaven knows I’ve never been big on the club scene and my stereotypical ‘slut’ phase was never made manifest. At 33 (almost 34) I don’t see myself as old. Quite often it annoys me to no end to hear my age-group described as elderly, but then I sit back and relax and laugh at the naivete behind the whole thing.

    As though mocking growing old is going to make you immune to the process.

  • Joe Crupper

    I think that the stigmatism that gay men will die young is in the back of our brains because of the struggle that previous generations of gay men had with HIV. I know that it is still a struggle today, and that HIV is a manageable thing nowadays, but if you talk to ignorant straight people, they literally have no education on that kind of thing. They think that gay men are all going to get it at some point and die young.
    Does that make any sense?

  • Mikayla Addis

    I agree with you 100%. I think the LGBT community feel as though they’ll lose their appeal after a certain age. Also, I think “society” glamorizes the LGBT community when they’re younger, partying it up in hot gay clubs. In porn, there’s rarely any lesbians over age 21 that aren’t people’s idea of sexy. Unless it’s a 60 year old man, there aren’t any older guys in porn either. I feel as though that people view us as cool and “trendy” when we’re younger. I’m 15 years old and a lesbian, and sometimes the idea of getting older does scare me because people won’t see me as sexy anymore. I’m just another old dyke. And that’s really sad.

  • ViaCarter

    Me being 18, I might not be the one to talk about aging, but I think every year makes you wiser. I feel every year I can reflect back on what I have changed about how I approach things in life. It shows how us as a person mature over time.

  • Rawan

    I never got this ashamed of their age thing, I’m 18 and yes I don’t get really excited about my birthday but I’ve always been like that and it’s not because I’m growing older or whatever. someones age doesn’t define them you can be 15 and wiser than any 50 year old out there, for me age is not a problem and I don’t think I’ll ever understand why people don’t like saying how old they are, It’s the same with women never got it.. never will. embrace your age and be yourself.

  • roel vanacker

    I think part of it comes from not having a path laid out for us (marry – children – dog – house – white picket fence – grandchildren – retiring -…) like it is so obvious how to proceed in life for the breeders.. mind you, even though the road isn’t that straightforward for many straights, and some gays do their utmost to go down that same path where they can, for straights it’s like a reassurance thing (having seen so many ‘role models’ grow up and traveling that cliché path successfully – the path is clearly illuminated), while for gays – even now when gay people are becoming more en more visible – that ‘gay path’ isn’t very illuminated as a reassurance for the future.. that’s why, I think, so many gays have a bit of fear about getting older themselves, and project that fear on the other gays (it’s just a theory) -roel

  • Sanchez19

    This is how I felt and I only turned 23. I don’t even know why I don’t want to ever leave my “early” twenties… it’s actually really fucking stupid, now that I think about it. My Mom is always telling me that she wouldn’t re-live her twenties if someone paid her to and that she’s much more happy now than she ever could have been at my age.

  • Jeremey Peck

    Ok here is an older persons take on the whole youth thing ( I am 44) for you younger folks yes we do make it to this age and older so get ready. When I was younger in my 20′s a lot of our community was die-ing off and we really lost sight of that whole looking up to people as a lot of them where just no longer there. So we became youth obsessed. I was always told that 30 was gay death and I think that that is a really bad thing to say. I for one found the love of my life at 30 and he and I got married last year legally after being together for 13 years.

    I liken all of this to the parent paradox. The parent paradox goes like this you are a child and you look up, you are middle aged and have kids you look down so really you are the center. And being in the center is a great place. I think that we as an LGBT community forget to look up some times instead of constantly looking down.

  • ron

    Just turned 35! And I’m still alive! ;-) so many things in life get even better with age! :-)

  • bahf

    Yes I have noticed this as well I used to say that in Gay years you are much older.. by the time you reach 40 you may as well be picking out a nursing home.. It’s said I am, as I like to put 30 with 11 years experience now.. (41).. It amazes me how many people will ignore me on dating websites but I have done a study.. I have put up fake profiles without pictures saying I was younger, in shape, and gorgeous.. lets just say that some of the people who wouldn’t give me the time of day would jump on the fake profile and want to go out.. I find it hard in gay community to find a relationship and I believe it is because of my age.. I came out later in life and that has hindered me finding someone.. But I hope one day..

  • Tom

    Good thoughts – and that comes form one who looks at 25 with the rear view mirror. I’m with Justa Guy – Every year should be – and is – one to celebrate.

  • Bel Amour

    Age is not important as we all age anyways but an open mind, a look for culture and great people makes all the difference.

Shep689: A Gay in the Life