July 21, 2017
advice articles
Funny or Die: “Grindr for the GOP Convention”

Funny or Die: “Grindr for the GOP Convention”

This little comedic gem comes to us courtesy of one of our most loyal subscribers thus far. So thanks for the tip, Vicki, and we hope we’ll get to enjoy more of your fabulous baking in the future!

I’m pretty sure I don’t need to tell you that I adore this video. Let’s face it, it’s true! Come convention time, Tampa is going to be filled with so many closet cases that you’ll have to temporarily rename it “Narnia”. As a matter of fact, my inner vigilante wants to get a smarthphone, head down to Tampa for the convention, and see how many homophobic politicians I can out to The Advocate.

But before I administer my own brand of street justice, though, I can’t help but want to meditate on gay Conservatives, and the kind of identity crisis they must be facing right now. Contrary to what some of you might think, I don’t hate all Conservatives. It’s not just because I happen to have some in my family, or because some of them happen to be in my circle of friends. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy having a civil, logical debate with an intelligent Conservative. Hell, I even agree with them on certain points (shh, don’t tell anyone).

Believe it or not, marriage equality is extremely true to form with true, classical Conservativism. From a political standpoint, it’s very “you do you, I’ll do me”. A true Conservative values and respects individual freedom, and believes that nothing in a person’s life should be a governmental matter if it affects other people outside their household. This whole notion that the Republican party has to be the guardian of traditional “family values”, in the grand scheme of things, is a fairly recent phenomenon. Depending on who on the right you ask, some might even argue that today’s Republican party has strayed away from true Conservativism completely. The right-wingers who I know and truly respect recognize that I should be entitled to their same rights and privileges, and absolutely detest the idea of religion entering at all into politics.

I can’t help but keep these people in the back of my mind when I witness the absolute cluster-fuck that is today’s GOP. Just within the past week or so, you’ve had one representative, Todd Akin, making some chauvinist comment about how “legitimate rape” doesn’t lead to pregnancy; you’ve got news breaking of another representative, Kevin Yoder, swimming naked in Israel in the same body of water where Jesus supposedly walked on water; then you have Ann Romney getting up in front of a crowd and talking about how women don’t deserve to be paid as much as men. Throughout this entire GOP presidential bid, I’ve kept asking my Conservative friends how they plan on voting this November. More often than not, they’ll end up shrugging or shaking their head. A handful have even confessed to not wanting to vote at all.

Forget the hypocrisy of an organization who supposedly supports individual freedom reaching into my household and dictating how I should conduct my relationships. For a gay Conservative, I can’t imagine the kind of cognitive dissonance taking place. I can’t even begin to imagine how groups like the Log Cabin Republicans can even begin to justify supporting a group that does not recognize their legal rights. My critiques of any candidates aside, there’s something incredibly wrong when a political party doesn’t recognize the legal rights of some of its supporters.

Given that fact, I am not the least bit surprised that the GOP has so many closet cases running around in it. Let’s first keep in mind that there was a study released recently that suggests that there could be a link between homophobia and repressed homosexual urges. But even if a Conservative politician has come to terms with their homosexual urges (ahem, Charlie Crist, ahem), it’s unlikely that they will ever publicly support marriage equality right now, much less come out, since too many party members keep appealing to the small portion of their constituency that’s so vocal that they’re practically foaming at the mouth. I honestly believe that most Conservatives that you see today would side with us gays if you were to discuss the situation with them rationally and emphasize individual liberty like it was above.

The problem is that, with media what it is today and everyone being able to record video on their phones, there’s power and influence shifting away from the majority in the middle to the more vocal people sitting on the two fringes. Thus, so many Conservatives that I meet feel powerless against Tea Partiers and bigots who claim the existence of a “radical homosexual agenda”. Or worse yet, they see these people and identify them as one of their own, and then regrettably submit to the mob mentality. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to have to wait until all of the homophobic nutjobs die out before Will and I finally get our legal rights, and I don’t think gay Conservatives should have to put up with this kind of crap either.

So if you happen to be a Conservative who is reading this, I say that it’s time for you to demand better from your representatives and your peers. It’s an absolute disgrace that some people in your ranks should have to rationalize supporting an organization that falls short of offering them full protection under the law. It’s despicable that LGBT people on your side should feel the need to change themselves or hide their behavior in order to pursue your cause.

To all of you Conservatives who do have the courage to be open and stand up against stigma and oppression from your own party, let me both applaud your courage and express my regret at your situation. Meanwhile, to all you closet cases who keep blocking the progress of equal rights: go fuck yourselves (and stop fucking me over)…and you better hope that that guy who you’re sucking off in a bathroom stall doesn’t whip out his camera phone.

-RJ

About RJ

RJ is a blogger/vlogger/writer and the other half of the NotAdamandSteve duo. When he's not making videos or writing stuff online he's usually working out, traveling, telling you factoids you never asked for, working out, or spending quality time with his new husband and German Shepherd.

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