July 23, 2017
advice articles
Coming Out on Your Own Terms

Coming Out on Your Own Terms

Hi Will and Rj! First off I would like to start off my email by saying how much I love watching your videos. I found you guys through your valentine’s day video and have been watching since. What you two have is what I hope to have someday in the future. A serious and committed loving relationship.

Alright lemme get down to the question now. I’m 16 and I’m out and proud to pretty much everyone, my siblings, all my friends, everyone at my school, and even some family members. Though here are two people I haven’t told yet and those are my parents and I really want to tell them, I just don’t know when. See the thing is my parents are both Mexican and strictly catholic. My dad even told me once when I had an argument with him about LGBTQ rights that if I was gay he’d disown me. It’s just been bugging me lying to them and hiding who I really am to them but I’m afraid that if I come out to them I’ll get disowned by them and have a very hard time with college funding and stuff. I know how selfish of me that sounds but I do love them and am afraid of losing them but I’m also afraid of having trouble getting on with my further education. What do you guys feel like I should do? Thank you if you answer and sorry that this question is so long.

I know exactly how you feel. I had a very difficult time coming out to my father, so much that I made absolutely sure that I was as financially independent of him as possible in case things turned ugly. As much as my dad would deny it today, when I was 13 he caught me looking at gay porn and told me that he would kill me if he found out that I was gay, so I know what it feels like to have your father against you.

Every family dynamic is different so it’s hard to give you sound advice since I don’t really understand what it’s like to have Mexican parents that are devoutly Catholic. RJ was in a similar situation with his parents being Cuban and Catholic, and if your family is anything like his, then your family will eventually come around when they see that the homosexuality doesn’t define or change the child they raised. Coming out is always hard, no matter the circumstance, but I would try to assess how close-knit your family is and try to gauge their reaction to you coming out. If you think that they’ll react poorly, then I would try to get everything in line for you being dependent solely on yourself. If you think they’ll react positively (eventually anyway) then maybe you can approach the subject in the coming months/years? Parents are weird in that they tend to not take their children seriously until they’ve gone off to college, so maybe that would be a good time for you. I think once the babies have left the nest they realize how precious they are, even with all of their “imperfections” so you may find it easier to come out then. (Of course, I want to emphasize that there is nothing imperfect about being gay.)

I understand how detrimental it might be to sit there and continue lying to your parents. It creates such a heavy burden and starts to take a toll on your happiness, but I also believe in damage control in case things turn for the worse. In the end, the decision is up to you. Just make sure you make the most intelligent decision based on your own needs. Don’t let anyone else tell you when the “right time” is, because there is never a right time to do something that’s difficult.

We wish you all the best. <3

– Will

About Will

Will is a recent graduate from Florida State University and transplant to Los Angeles who makes the occasional video on YouTube documenting his life with his fiancé and German Shepherd.

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